@%!*! College Football Fans

Sports fans are ruining sports for me.

Maybe that's too broad of a statement. I'll rephrase.

College students are ruining college athletics for me.

They are just plain obnoxious. Even the students at my Alma Mater -- especially the students at my Alma Mater.

In fact, I'm sure that I have attended my last home game at OSU. The last game that I attended left me embarrassed to be OSU Alumni. It wasn't the performance of the team on the field that made me feel that way -- it was the student body and the fans in the stands. I hadn't attended a game in a few years before I went to this game. I didn't realize it was standard practice to chant profanities in unison at the opposing team and officiating staff. Silly me.

I was just glad that I didn't have my kids with me that day.

How sad is that? The fact that I don't want to take my sons to a football game at my own university? I guess I'm just not ready to explain the "f-word" to my six year old yet (yes, believe it or not, I have managed to insulate him from that word thus far in his life).

I watched some of the Rutgers - Navy game this past weekend. It wasn't enough for the Rutgers fans that their team handily beat the smaller Navy squad. No, they had to be jerks about it too. There is an excellent article regarding this from the New Jersey paper "The Star Ledger". Here's the link:
http://www.nj.com/news/ledger/index.ssf?/base/columns-0/1189484859197200.xml&coll=1

How Safe is Your Workout Routine?

As if I needed another excuse not to work out.

America's Got...er...?

So, there's this TV program --maybe you've seen it. It's called "America's Got Talent".

Then there's another one called "Britain's Got Talent".

These programs sound like more reality TV/Idol-wannabee type stuff don't they? Now me, I haven't seen either program so I don't mean to be judgemental. But, I have seen the various video clips on blogs and YouTube, so I have an idea what these show are about. One would assume that the best and brightest talents are showcased right? Certainly, Connie Talbot is an example of real talent from across the big pond. Check her out -- she's only 6 years old.

Pretty impressive huh? What a magnificent, courageous and talented little girl. Way to go Britain! The land that spawned Mr. Bean and Teletubbies has redeemed herself. Great job U.K.! Sorry about all of those "bad teeth" jokes.

So what does America have to offer in counter point? Who will step up from the ranks of America's most talented? Let's see...

Perfect. Britain has the adorable singing 6-year-old girl who can make everyone cry with her angelic voice.

America has a boy who can kiss his own butt.

Nice.

Al Gore and the Heat Index

Yeah, it’s hot.

No. This is not another diatribe on global warming. I’m not buying it, and I’m not selling it. If that’s your angle then you might want to go and fish another pond.

No, my beef is with the Heat Index. It’s not really a beef – I just find it amusing that we have invented a new way to make it sound hotter than it is. Now, don’t get me wrong, ‘cause I know it’s hot. But I grew up in Oklahoma, and it’s always been hot. Seems like now-a-days anytime it get’s over 100 degrees, people get excited, likes it’s never happened before. When the mercury gets into the century range, the newscasters always give the temperature in two parts, like this: “Well, it’s 102 degrees out there today, but with the heat index, it feels like it’s 114!”

Now 102 degrees, that’s pretty impressive, I guess, but 114? Now that’s something to brag about. I suppose that people have always fudged the truth a little when it has come to extremes, but it used to be called exaggerating. Now, it's scientifically backed!

I’m wondering why we don’t apply this same philosophy to other aspects of the weather. Can you imagine all the old men down at Pixley’s Sunshine Diner bragging about their rain-guage readings like grandchildren?
“We got two-anna-quarter inches at my place”, says one old farmer.
“Well, I got two and nearly-three-eighths”, says Mr. One-Up-On-Ya.
Then, there’s the 3rd guy who watched Mr. High-Tech Weatherman on the oh-six-hundred newscast. “I got over two-annie-half at my place”. Then he adds with a gotcha-smirk, “but with the Precipitation Index, that’s almost two-point-eight inches”. Only, he pronounces precipitation like this: Pree-sip-ee-TAY-shun. A gen-U-ine $10.00 word.
And what’s more, we could come up with a Snowfall Index, a Wind index, fog indices –the possibilities are endless.

But what if we carried this idea into other aspects of our lives?

How about Age indices? For older folks, we could sound younger. “Well, I’ll be seventy-one next year but with the Spry Index, I feel like I’m only sixty-five!” Or for the younger set, “My Betsy’s only four but she’s so bright! Almost five and a half on the Maturity Index!”

An Obesity Index can’t be far off, right? I mean relatively speaking, I’m not as fat as those other guys are.

An official index for singles playing the bar scene would be helpful, I’m sure.
“Karl, check out that gal!”
“Shoot, Bubba, she’s homely. Only a three on a ten-scale.”
“Yea, maybe Karl, but she’s a solid seven on the Budweiser scale.”
Yea, I know. The Budweiser scale has been around since prohibition ended. It just needs to be standardized for those of us who don’t drink.

There should be an index for those handicapped with a lead-foot; “Yes, officer, I know I was going ninety-six, but this is a ‘Vette, right? I mean that’s only fifty-three on the Chevy Cavalier Speed Equivalency Index.”

I think what would really be cool is if there was a Super-Christian-Spirituality Index (SCSI). It would work like this. Joe and Susie Christian (not real people) attend their church three times a week, and even teach Sunday School classes. They don’t swear, drink, smoke, or dance and they pray before eating in public. Susie has a bumper sticker on her Volvo that says “WWJD” and Joe occasionally wears a t-shirt that says “Real Men Love Jesus”. Joe and Susie would rate a solid nine-point-eight on the Super-Christian-Spirituality Index even though, in reality, apart from their church and Sundays, there is very little about Joe and Susie that is Christ-like. They don’t give to charities, or stop to help stranded motorists. They don’t know their neighbors names, much less their needs. They are rude and condescending to people they deem worthy of noticing, and treat the remainder as invisible. They are vain and self-serving and their lives lack real spirituality.

Still, a 9.8 on the SCSI aint bad!

Anyway, it’s too hot for this. It’s like, 114 degrees outside.

Maybe Al Gore is right.

Dangerous Books and Kipling

A couple of weeks ago, I ordered two copies of "The Dangerous Book for Boys" -- one for each of my sons. I won't bother reviewing the book here because many others have done a better job of that (See the review at The Discerning Reader). The boys and I have been reading the book together most nights before bedtime, and have really been enjoying it. It's an excellent and entertaining book for all ages.

There's a chapter entitled "Seven Poems Every Boy Should Know" and one of the poems included is Rudyard Kipling's "If". This poem has really become meaningful to me and I wanted to post it. If you are like me, you probably haven't read this since high school (over 20 years ago for me).

"If" by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or, being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with triumph and disaster And treat those two imposters just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!